L's swimming lesson
by misamisa989
Summary: L learns to swim what could go wrong?
1. Chapter 1

L's first swimming lesson

Sorry, I haven't felt funny in awhile. Well here is a new story  
hope it is funny.

Discliamer: I don't own any of these characters except the teacher.

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"I hate swimming", L said out loud as he walked away from the  
pool. He was thinking back to his day. It started out great L met his  
swim teacher and he seemed nice. He was a WW2 surviver.

L had done his reach on this man before he comitted to the class.  
He got his ass blown off in the war and was missing a foot but he swam  
great. He walked with a cane, he had a limp, and had a reciding hair  
line. His name was Jeff mayan.

L had reach the private pool he had rented out to himself for the  
day. As he reached the gate he spotted his swimming instructer. He was  
laughing the other lifeguard that was a good sign or so L thought. L  
entered and that's were his day went from good to hell.

Jeff introduced himself and L did too( as Luis). He got in the  
water and so did Jeff. He swam beside him for about three laps and  
saved him thirty times. At the start of the forth lap Jeff got out and  
went behind a building to get something. He walked back with a 50  
cailber machine gun and said, " I won't save you anymore you have to  
do it yourself." then he opened fire and L took off swimming. He got  
shot twice both times in his toes. "Well, at least this day can't get  
any worse. " L said.

Jeff who had ran out of bullets stepped on a button right as L  
said that. The button released sharks into the pool and Jeff said,  
"Okay the now for lesson two. "

"Lesson two, when was lesson one and what was I learning? " , L  
stuttered in reply. To this Jeff smiled and said, " Well, lesson one  
was the gun and you learned reaction time. Now in lesson two you will  
learn evasion of the enemy. Since I couldn't get a giant squid you  
have to evade a couple sharks go! "

L then saw the sharks and took off swimming the blood comeing  
from his toes wasn't helping him any. Jeff who was out of the pool was  
laugh so hard he peed himself. As the sharks got closer and closer L  
really wished he hadn't let watari talk him into this and to think  
watari picked this guy. (Watari even said, " he's the best there is.")

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thanks for reading. Love to hear if you think this story is worth  
it. All types of reviews are welcome as always.


	2. Chapter 2

**False Terror**

As L saw the sharks swimming towards him, his only thought was "OH, Shit!" He turned to swim but sunk instead. He, the oh so gracious swimming instructor had added weights to his clothes. As he sunk the sharks just kept getting closer and closer.

When the sharks were only a few feet away he finally got all his clothes off, and he started swimming towards the edge of the pool as fast as he could, but no matter how fast he swam the sharks only got closer to him. The second shark nipped at his foot and L jumped ten feet in the air. He then landed butt-naked on the cement next to the water. Jeff then yelled "Dude your naked!" as he started rolling on the ground laughing. L forgetting about the sharks jumped back in the pool and looked for the sharks. He found them, they were just toys. At this L got pissed because he saw the receivers and realized that the other two lifeguards had to be in on it too. So he got out again walked over to Jeff (who was laughing so hard now that he was choking) and demanded to know he did it. All Jeff could manage to say was "your small" which got him to laugh even harder if possible.

This time L could hear the other lifeguards laughing too. All L could say out of embarrassment to this was "IT'S COLD!" L then smashed the toys and walked back to the pool to retrieve his clothing. When he felt a sting on his back, he turns around and SAW………………


	3. Chapter 3

I know I left the last chapter a cliffhanger so to make it up here is chapter 3. Enjoy

Thoughts are italicized

Fear

As L turned around what he saw was unbelievable. It was his worst fear ever. He loathed what he saw just now, L decided to ignore what was stinging him and tell Jeff to make it stop. "Hey... ouch Jeff ouch would ouch you ouch mind ow ouch ow OH FORGET IT OW!" L said jumped in the water to escape the pelting.

While in the water he got dressed after removing the weights, that wasn't easy though because he kept running out breath. After about the third time something hit his eye he thought _"I really wish I didn't have to breathe. Vampires have it sooo easy!!"_

L finally got dressed and decided to make a run for it hoping the day at the pool was over. _"I'm tired of lessons. I've learned lesson 1, 2, 3, and 4. _L thought as he got out of the pool and ran for the gate, getting stung the whole way. He even fell down once it wasn't his fault. Something stung him on his spine he froze and fell face first in mussy brown stuff. That's when his worst nightmare touched him. "_A monkey touched me. A MONKEY TOUCHED ME_!!!!" he thought as he started to scream and going to the fetal position while having a flashback.

**FLASHBACK**

The flashback was of his first encounter with monkeys. L was 2 years old and Roger had taken him to the zoo even though L said "No, No I don't wanna go." As Mello and Near 3 years old picked him up kicking and screaming as they carried him out to the car.

On the ride there wasn't any easier, he kept trying to jump out the car windows. He hated zoos. They were messy and he could never analyze the zoo attendants.

When they got to the zoo L was dragged to the first exhibit which just happened to be guess what…. monkeys. They came on the day that the monkeys just decided to be cannibals and eat one of their own. He saw this and screamed out of the zoo. That's how Roger learned to never take L to the zoo, and Near and Mello learned a great new torture method for L.

As he came back to reality, L saw that Jeff was still laughing so hard he was rolling on the cement and couldn't breathe. So L seeing no help from Jeff or the other two lifeguards he crawled to the gate where Watari was waiting for him while trying not to laugh. As L climbed into the car he saw a letter addressed to L *******.


	4. Chapter 4

The Letter

The letter sat on the backseat of the L's car. It was in a plain white envelope with fancy N on the front. L knew exactly who was the cause was.  
He opened the letter and this is what it said:

Dear L,

I really hate you and you know this. Revenge is a bitch isn't it so without farther adou. This will teach you Not to knock down my 3D puzzle again. I Would also Like to thank Watari for not giving me up to you. Let this be a warning DON'T TOUCH MY PUZZLES!

Yours Always,  
N

P.S. Mello says you suck! Matt says hello and not to mind Mello he is on his male period.

At this L started fumming. He was so hot in the face that steam was Coming off him, but mostly from his ears. L then shouted "WATARI YOU SORRY S.O.B.O.C(son of a batch of cookies(A/N: my friends idea of nicer words but hey its funny)  
WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY ANYTHING TO ME?"  
"Because I was detested with you for why you destoryed his puzzle. I never thought you could be so malious. How could you blow up his 3D puzzle because he was in the way you were walking?" WAtari asked as he drove back to the headquarters. He was on the verge of tears as he thought "I could expect this from Mello or Matt (following Mello's orders)"

L sat in the back with his mouth open behind Watari's seat thinking "THAT BASTARD!"  
Then L said "What, I didn't blow up his puzzle because he was in my way I did it because he ruined my candies, cakes, coffee, and my other sweets."

"What, really he lied to me. I fooled, I feel so depressed. L would you please get a razor for me I'm going to write another emo song." Watari said as he pulled into the parking lot under the building. They got out of the car and entered the building contiplating revenge."I've got to another swimming lesson tomorrow"L thought at the back of his mind.

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Thanks for reading again. All sorts of reveiws are welcome. Don't hold back.


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